The Ballad of Ranald MacFarlane , Some Assembly Required

Ranald MacFarlane. One of our local Island celebrities who raises free range pigs. Yes, that’s not a misprint. Free range pigs. They’ve pretty much taken over the farm and the adjoining woods at this point. I had read about a hog farmer in the States who disappeared a few years back. At some point the pigpens were checked and, sadly, only the farmers dentures were found. I grew worried about Ranald, and thought I would immortalize him before any unfortunate incidents. By the way, you can find him at the Summerside Farmers Market every Saturday until 2:00 pm.

The Ballad of Ranald MacFarlane, Some Assembly Required

Come gather friends and neighbors And listen onto me I’ll tell you of a farmer Who lets his pigs run free His name is Ranald MacFarlane And his hogs are running wild Rooting through the fields and forest In their birthday suits and smiles

I heard him on the radio Before we’d ever met He said I got a gal for you Who’d make a lovely pet Come meet her at the market She’ll be every man’s desire Next Saturday here on display Some assembly required

Chorus: Some assembly required It’s the way that his mind works Some assembly required For better or for worse At the Summerside Farmers Market Where the sellers greet the buyers Buying the tall tales he’ll be telling Some assembly required

I arrived down at the market Before the morning rush His sign said pigs are friendly The farmer not so much You might know the legend But you’ll never know the man Til you’ve seen his ugly wieners And become his biggest fan

He said I had a dream last night That made no sense to me He said the pigs were running the farm And I was running free He said he woke up wondering If this world is run by liars Or just paved with good intentions Some assembly required

Chorus:

They said that he was different They said he was unique To make a judgement for myself I had to take a peek I went down to the market I admit I was inspired To put a few words down on paper Some assembly required

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