Old Bags

A terrible rumour has been circulating the Island. Apparently one of the Women’s Institute Halls is so tight with money they have decided not to supply tea to the musicians who play the weekly summer Ceilidhs. Not able to believe that the Island tradition of hospitality and congeniality had been usurped by such frugality, I did some of my own research, and this song is the unfortunate result of my investigation.

Old Bags

We called the annual meeting at the hall And the members who attended were appalled To see the stack of bills and the cheques to sign and fill And they asked us how the revenues had stalled (Old Bags) They asked us how the revenues had stalled

We told them why the revenues were down Why the tourists chose to stay in Charlottetown We blamed the Thursday crew for the paltry crowds they drew And the reasoning we use was mostly sound (Old Bags) The reasoning we used was mostly sound

The fellow in the middle’s gotten old Telling stories that should never be retold We wish he would retire or join a celestial choir Instead of sitting here and acting bold (Old Bags) Instead of sitting here and acting bold

Sitting there beside him is a bloke Who sings a style of music known as folk We ask for “Sonny’s Dream” but he tunes to open G For he only wants to sing the songs he wrote (Old Bags) He only wants to sing the songs he wrote

They say they’ve got a fiddler that’s a sham He plays as if he doesn’t give a damn You hear the awful squeals as he plays his jigs and reels We can only recommend that he be canned (Old Bags) We can only recommend that he be canned

They tease the dancer til she’s in a rage Then in a fury damages the stage They will not pay the cost of the fortune we have lost For the man who did the flooring was well paid (Old Bags) The man who did the flooring was well paid

The fellow at the other end’s the worst He talks until you think your ears will burst Then if you do him wrong he puts you in a song And you wonder why we’re tightening the purse (Old Bags) You wonder why we’re tightening the purse

Our days of making tea for them are done They have put us in the hole with all their fun Motivation will go up when there’s water in their cups On the vote we are unanimously one (Old Bags) On the vote we are unanimously one

The price of tea has grown rather dear So we’ve saved the old tea bags from previous years They will beg for tea that’s new but the old bags they must do On this point we are unanimously clear (Old Bags) On this point we are unanimously clear

So now they sit upon the stage with scowls You’ll appreciate why their moods are foul They dry the old tea bags with the aprons and dish rags On a line above the stove between tea towels (Old Bags) On a line above the stove between tea towels (Old Bags)